Happy 6th Anniversary to Mackel9’s Blog! It is now 6 years down this line of random stories from the experiences all around the world. I would like to thank all of you fam and a special mention goes to @Woolie he is never shy to leave a trail. That is not to leave out the ghost readers, I always see you in my stats, Thank you! 🙂
Category Archives: Breaking Loose!
It is 4.56 pm, I am reviewing what i have done for the day as I prepare to call it a day, Then I get a text from a bew number, I would have ignored it with the many scams happening around hadn’t he used my name…
Hi Mackel, how are you doing? Can I ask you something? There’s something that has been on my mind for a while now and I need to ask…
I try searching the number on true caller app as I wonder who could this be? No results! How convenient right?
I’m good, how about you? Who am I speaking to?
Well, I used to see you a lot in this joint and we’d pass each other in the hallways. I don’t think you noticed me but I used to like you a lot… Are you gay?
At that moment I nearly choked. I look around the bus to see if there are any faces that look familiar and probably called Ndirangu who are texting, because if this was a prank… ah ah not funny at all.
NO Ndirangu, I am not gay. I love women. How did you get my number?
Well I am sorry for bothering you Mackel, do have a lovely evening.
The rest of my journey was troubled, I call all my friends who we’d go to the said joint. Nobody had a clue. I try sending money via M-Pesa, the name that shows up is totally strange and not Ndirangu!
Why would he think I was gay, is it the way I walk, talk what? I have never worn skinny pants all my life, it can’t be what I wear. To date I am still baffled by that encounter, being hit on by a gay man was surely a first for me…
What are some of your LGBT experiences as a straight person? Please do share…
So of late my friends think I have become good with women but the reality is women have become good with me. Dating a girl that is above 25 brings out a new perspective on the word date here is a few of the things I have made discoveries on:
Whereas when she was younger she wouldn’t mind tagging along with a couple of friends to your dates, now if you are having a date it will be just you two. You get the time to really get to catch up and talk without trying to engage a third wheel who might not be privy to some of the things you talk about.
2. Less alcohol
While before going out in a club counted as a date. The girl who is 25 and above will prefer a proper date, not a drinking date. Even if there will be alcohol it is just to keep the story going not to make you too drunk you need to be carried home.
The 25 plus girl will mostly be talking about her future, that MBA she intends to start or finish on, that deal she hears from PRC for a ka plot in Nanyuki (who lives in Nanyuki though?), getting the right partner because in a few years time she intends to settle down and she also talks alot about money and being upwardly mobile. This girl seems very clear about what she wants and how she will get there.
This is the biggest development you find. If she tells you “oh I have a bullshit detector” she is lying. But if you say something crappy and she stops you and tells you “you are shitting me right now” there you have found a girl who won’t accept to feed on crap.
5. Making the first move
She knows when a guy likes her and is too scared to ask. Well this is not from my personal experience but from observation around hehe. She will throw things like, my evening tomorrow is free would you like to grab some coffee as the rain caused traffic eases? Or I know how really like chapo and I just know the place, it is the best kept secret when it comes to chapos.
If you have ever been involved in procurement process you know how you start with pre-qualifying suppliers. Basically sex will never be just random with this girl. If you ask nicely and she says yes, she premeditated about all the scenarios and knew how they’d play out in her head before. So you are the puppet. She will never say yes if she doesn’t want to. And most importantly if she wants to she is not too shy to initiate, at first she will be coy about it then it gets more broad about it depending on the partner’s response.
If you are a lady over 25 what has changed since you hit a quarter century? If you are a guy what are the changes you are noticing?
So the cat in me decided, what the hell is this tinder i kept hearing from a third of the conversations from my friends and acquaintances. Like a cat the curiosity built up untill I could not hold it anymore
Si I decide to let my ass join tinder well that was to last exactly for one week only. So here is my short and crazy experience on this animal😂
Start checking out tinder alternatives. Saw hot or not. Fun something. Badoo. Tinder and a host of other unrated apps. Itart reading reviews and finally decide to go with tinder.
I download the app and start learning the ropes. I start swiping right but I am choosy. Oolala I get a couple of hot hot babes who swipe back and it’s a match!😏😏 I must be doing pretty good. I go start checking out my new babes description and alas! Guess what I find out? They are escorts! A snippet of the description read “twerk queen, will make you forget your problems. Well loaded guys, broke boys and jokers please swipe left” Wueh!
The other nubile match that atleast looks innocent we start chatting then I have no idea what I said wrong she unmatched me!😭😭
The word fuckboy keeps appearing more times than I could count. I have to find out what it means. The matches who say they just want just friends can’t really seem to hold a conversation. I think maybe it is my kick off strategy that is bad, I go to the app store and download apps to help with the cheesy lines that break the ice and get her talking. When the tacky lines can’t seem to work since they are not tailored for Africa. Especially Kenya I surrender.
I go to my friend M and start lamenting how I cannot seem to find babes on tinder. Babes who are not seeking the size of my pants or wallet. She asks me to send her my profile and she goes nope nope throw away those pics put kickass pics. You got to be a thirst trap Kel. I think a thirst trap huh? Okay then. Challenge accepted.
I go through my phone and find some kickass pics which I get M to put the stamp of approval and put them up. I put them up and wait. And wait and waaaaaiiiiit. Kwani these people don’t see my kick ass pics ama niaje? I mean I am playing by the rules and even have enlisted the help of a coach all ego aside right?
I decide maybe it is my description is the one giving me problems. I formulate what I think was pretty dope.”If I was a cat my ninth would be lost on tinder, just a curious mind. Existing only in your mind, I am yours, your faithful imaginary friend #TinderHomeofImaginaryFriends
My coach tells me “dude you got to be swiping as much as possible, you can’t be expecting her to fall from heaven line manna”. From that alone I change my discovery setting from the minimum of 2 km to max of 159 km.
I then swipe and super like until all my likes and super lies are finished. So I am told super like is for those who don’t want to waste time. You could see the future mother of your kids and you don’t want to wait until she sees you and swipes right back. You want her to get notifications because tinder doesn’t let the other person know. It has to be a mutual liking to get a match. So say you are a guy and want to give a lady your sperm and you don’t feel like you can wait. You super like and fast forward that hookup. Same thing applies for ladies, say you see a guys who makes your ovaries cry out for him. Super like that dude!!! You are welcome!!
I don’t log in
I get new matches I feel good again. But the weird part is nobody seems interested in conversation. More matching and unmatching.
Then I decide to chat up the very first matches I made and the response is straight to the point Ten thousand for an hour.
I curl back to where I came from. I tell my friend and she tells me she gets that alot, instead of hi, it’s “how much for a night”
This day I match with a creative manager somewhere and I think you myself finally I found someone to talk to. And the best thing is she wants friends only. So I ask her why she is on tinder and as I am about to explain myself and goofyness I was unmatched!
I decide I had enough in tinder wonderland. I deactivate the Account and delete the app. For now I’d rather rather talk to the crazy strangers in mathrees. Let me stick to the rivers and lakes I am used to…
Have you ever been on tinder? What was your experience?
Yes I am on tinder! I never thought I would join online dating sites but I finally found myself downloading tinder at 12 am….
How it all begins
I used to be that person whose messenger would read “this person responds to messages in less that 20 minutes” and so were most of my friends. You’d find someone to talk to at 3am on those sleepless nights and you will the night away.
With time these friends they tell you, I found someone and as the rules dictate, when a friend finds someone you cannot be sending messages past nine unless you want to cause problems. And we all want our friends to prosper, yes? And even the conversation patterns start telling you when is a good time to talk. If all messages sent past 8.27pm get responses at 9.11 am, it can only mean you gave to work around 9.00 am and 8.00pm for any meaningful conversation to happen.
One two three they keep finding people, but you seem to be the one not too keen on it, so what do you do? You start looking, and guess what? The people in your age group are not about that life of talking anymore, they are all “searching” there are clocks ticking, well except me lol
It is 12 am, I am in my bed and it has, and still is raining heavily. Everyone has switched off, I think why not try tinder, I keep hearing about it. I go to the play store and find a host of dating apps, badoo etc etc. So those badoo email notifications I used to see, this was what it was all about? I download my tinder and authenticate and register my details. All is done and I start swiping. I swipe swipe swipe swipe and swipe some more. I go to sleep. In the morning I have three matches! Awesome :-). I hope the knowi just want to talk late at night not really date :-D, but let me wait and see. Wish me luck
I just hope if I meet freaks, crazies and weirdo’s, it is of the good type not the bad type lol *crosses fingers*