2014: Reflections and Deflections

Good start

The year started well. I was all optimistic as I always am 🙂 Big dreams, big goals, big challenges to be overcame, new house. Yup the year started pretty well, despite being not too digital when it came to having a phone I was happy for the good start.

Big dreams, big goals big challenges, failure, wins

I am a dreamer, big dreamer. I had big dreams for the year and big goals, well I did achieve some and missed out on others. For the achievements I did gloat, Henry can be testament to that. For the failures, I beat myself about it and learned to take it with a brave face. I learned you can never be well prepared for failure, no one is, contingency plans or not, we all want the best results. There were some wins, to these I am grateful to God.

Love

Oh boy I did fall and fall hard. I had an infatuation of a magnitude last experienced in my campus days. Well it was a mutual kind of thing; her south was attracted to my north as my north was attracted to her south! There were no (baseless) standards (hurdles) many people put into relationships, yes we once had a random date as we were going home at Central park (if it is not java for the other girls I’ve been with no deal, lol);

Her: Hey M. what’s the craziest thing you have done this year.

Me: Nothing

Her: How about we get hotdogs and pass by Central park today?

Me: Huh?

Her: I want to steal some time with you.

Me: *Sheepish smile*

What’s the craziest thing I did this 2014? A date at Central park 😊. Standards for who?

A photo posted by Mackel Tisa (@mackel9) on Dec 12, 2014 at 4:53am PST

Being together, to her, was more important than where. She was crazy and stubborn like I am; maybe all it not lost you can find someone who complements your attributes and magic happens.

Moving forward

2014 was the year of self-discovery and reaffirmation that all is not lost and that dreams are there to be attained, don’t say you are too old too busy to go after what it that your heart really desires. 2015 I hope will be a year of endless possibilities and great realities.

A friend predicts that 2015 is my year of love. My heart is all open and ready, yeah baby I am ready. Hehehe.

P.S.

Woolie, Kui, Savvy, Alex, Charles (Your blog inspired the title of this blog sir), Henry, Uncle Tree, and all other veiled readers of this diary, thank you for keeping up with the mundane journey of Mackel9, let us see what 2015 holds for us all 😉

 

Failure – When you realise you were good just not good enough

Look, if you had one shot, or one opportunity

To seize everything you ever wanted. one moment

Would you capture it or just let it slip? ~ Lose Yourself Eminem

Are we ever prepared or let me rephrase can one be prepared enough to buffer themselves from failure? Well let me give you my biggest failure so far, the one time I hit the floor so hard I broke a bone or two, not literally though. It all started a year ago I think, I had applied for something, you know those things you just apply for and actually don’t think too much about? Yes those! There is no response from these guys so I forget about it all, then six months down the line my email lights up. I have an email dedicated for these things, on this even spam is rare because I never subscribe to anything with it and I ensure I clear it promptly and it has all items read and actioned, I know actioned is not an actual word but you get what I mean yes? This mail sort of revives hope, it excites me about the new possibilities presented, I respond the mail and for another 8 months there is no communication. Then after this long period my mail lights up again with an invite for an interview I had almost forgot about all this, but there was a sense of excitement of new possibilities ignited within.

Over five hundred people are in this first stage, I meet a guy I went to high school with and a friend I interned with few years back in this stage, as they say, all dreams are valid and have to be pursued. Eight hours later I leave feeling drained and decide to just forget about it. Guess what? Lady luck is smiling at me and two weeks later I am called for a second phase of the selection process about two hundred of us. My stomach is tight through-out the process and I mess up at some point but recover. I leave on low spirits. I meet a friend who has been through the process and over lunch (I mentioned here I never say no to free food ey) he tells me not to fret it, I keep a brave face but I am freaked out inside. Again I manage the cut off and proceed to the next stage. Now I begin taking it seriously, I start seeing possibilities, chances that the light at the end of the tunnel is the sun shining and not an oncoming train.

The number is now at about hundred, but then at this stage things get brutal after an hour of intense testing and sweaty palms, optimism levels here go down again and I decide you know what come what may you will be prepared to face… Luckily whatever came out next, I could handle, so were the 40 others. This one was an impersonal test after which we are told to be patient about thirty had progressed to the next stage. Now hopes are really high, I would check email first thing in the morning, midday and evening just in case. Then came the final lap, the one where you could see the finish line, thirty people chasing to take the top three. I summoned all my energies and gave it my best shot, but I had worthy competition, I came third runners-up and was cut out oh the presentation of a medal on that ‘ka podium’.

This is where I became haunted by the number four nightmare, number five is better when bearing a loss, but number four haunts you! You always think to yourself, “is there anything I could have done to get to that finish line a millisecond earlier?” but with time you have to embrace failure and move on. But if it is something you really wanted you still have the power to determine where you go after failure, after it all some dreams stay dreams and others come true, it all depends on your attitude yes?

Failure as a learning opportunity: Image from the internet

Here are some quotes I stumbled on as I was trying to embrace my failure

1. Failure teaches you that you are not the smartest man in the world and that sometimes you need help. But do not let it beat you and hold you down. Let it propel you
2. If you have not failed today, then you have not tried hard enough
3. Overachievers, like entrepreneurs, are very hard on themselves. They grapple with failure
4. It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed.~ Theodore Roosevelt
5. If you do not act for fear of failure, how will you create anything of meaning? Akhil Nigam
6. Failure is followed by success – I hope this rings true

I also found this article on Entrepreneur.com about embracing and learning how to manage failure by Dan Pickett quite helpful.

What has been your experience with failure and how did you deal with it? Please share.

 

Elusive dreams – Elizabeth Orchardson Mazrui

I toss and turn

Restless in sleep

Hold you close

Wake to find

You’re nothing

But a dream

Fleetingly nebulous

 

Hovering dream

Like an elusive dream

That hovers on the brink

Of reality

You have once again

Left me holding

Nothingness

 

P.S. Do you think dreams are still valid even when they keep playing the elusive card?