Tag Archives: Bachelorhood

The Interview

My niece is turning three today
I am supposed to be the guy to make memories into portraits
Yes I’m the camera guy
My cousin says I be there early
Since she good to me when I want free food (read chapos) I cannot disappoint
I leave the house early
I had been given some medicines for my tonsils yesterday and told to refrain from taking alcohol for five days
I know there will be alcohol
There is the sadness that I’ll be the sobber one
But at least this time mom won’t see me drink and she can go slow on the preaching on the negatives of alcohol
She thought I had stopped drinking until my cousin told them how we were ‘tumlevis’ with my other cousins! All that knowing my limits and holding my liquor for nothing man.
So I’m on the bus. Yeah yeah the bus has been my best hunting ground so far.
We are waiting for it to fill
I see her across the street, good Lord she had thighs 🙂
I cross my fingers and hope she’ll board our bus and come sit next to me
Guess what?
You guessed right!
She did come sit next to me 🙂
She had these lovely fingers
I start thinking how to start a conversation talking about a persons fingers without coming off as a weirdo
Hey you have lovely fingers, nope never
You know you can tell much about a person by the way they take care of their fingers? Nope weird too
What’s the secret to such lovely fingers? Just quit it Mackel!
She whips out this huge Microsoft phone. Must have been six inches
You know men. Size matters. We obsess with size.
Haha get your head straight! 😛
Hey is that Microsoft?
Yes it is.
Why windows phone? Why not say android or iPhone?
I just liked this one
Anything you dislike about it?
Mmmh nah
I spot this huge billboard of share a coke
If I want to share a coke with you what name do I look out for in the fridge?
She thinks
My first name is not there. But you will sure find Wambui.
I wanted to know your name just decided to use the long route
I know
I’ve been wanting to tell you this, but didn’t know how to
Oh please don’t tell me I was love at first sight already
Haha not that
So you do have lovely fingers
She stares at them for some seconds
I hope that is not weird, I know men shouldn’t notice these things
Nah, its okay
What do you do Wambui?
I’m an economist
Dang, you are those people we’d copy assignments on “the classical economic theory”
I also was one of the copy cats
No, no way
Yep I did it too
More laughs
So what is the craziest thing you have done lately?
Hmmm. Thinking
I went for jet skiing on December holidays. That was one hell of a fun activity. I love adrenaline rush. Yourself?
I did bungee a little over a year ago
No way
Yes, I did. Tops my list of adrenaline stuff I ever did.
I’d love to do it too. Where did you do it?
Sagana. Savage wilderness if I remember the name correctly
I have to do it too, let’s see how this year goes
The bus gets to town
So I’m going to the salon, I guess I’ll see you around?
Wait, can I have your number?
Let me have yours instead
I give her my number
Guess this is like an interview, don’t call me I’ll call you
We laugh
Bye Mackel
Bye Wambui have a good one

Well I don’t know if my performance is still being reviewed. I don’t know if I passed or failed the shortlisting to earn a call back. But I am just crossing my fingers
Only shortlisted candidates will be contacted lol!

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Life without a tv; being less connected

(This happens Seven months ago. I hear a knock at my door and I go to open, I find John and Wambu, my Six and Three year old friends)

John: Hi Mackel?

Wambu: Hi Mackel

Me: Hi Wambu and John (High fives both of them).  Karibuni, go wash your hands in the sink and take a banana from the rack.

John and Wambu: Asante, and we also want to watch Tom and Jerry.

Me: That’s okay (I turn on Gee and put on Tom and Jerry [Yes I have cartoon in my computer, can I continue?]) First finish up your bananas, then come and watch. John leave my skipping rope alone.

John: But I want to show you that, I too can skip a rope!

Wambu: Me too can skip a rope!

Me: I do know you can skip a rope, but you will show me another day for now come and let’s watch Tom and Jerry.

(John spots my Ab Wheel and takes an interest in it and starts playing with it, well he is rolling it even on the walls, the landlord will sure make me pay for new paint when I move out… Kids!)

Me: John, let me have that (I take the wheel and hide it)

John: I really love Tom and Jerry

Wambu: I love Tom and Jerry too.

Me: Me three, yay (A series of high fives)

John: Mackel, let me tell you something, you see that guy who lives on ground floor?

Me: Yes I do

John: He works at night but he is not a thief!

Me: Okay (Trying really hard to keep a straight face and not laugh)

John: Mackel?

Me: Yes John.

John: Why don’t you have a tv, couches and a bed? Are you that broke? You know us we have a tv with a remote and pay tv. If you are broke I can talk to my Dad and he can lend you some money to buy these things.

Week one after moving!

Week one after moving!

Me: (Laughing now) Yes John I am broke, moving out without a good plan does things to you, especially when your money gets tied up in uncertain investments and you don’t want to borrow, but you are still young, you will understand these things someday and hopefully I will be around to remind you of this conversation….


After we had this conversation, things would change gradually; first that blue plastic chair you see broke on the first week

Picture from the internet

Picture from the internet

(one of my motivations to lose weight hehehe, now you know), I got a bed and a couch, but never a tv. Well at some point I bought Dstv walker just to keep up with the news, then I realised the resolution or picture quality was shabby, how could one watch anything on a resolution of 340 x 240? Even Chinese phones (not the HTCs, I’m referring to Sumsungs, Nookia, you get the drift yes?) have higher resolution than that. I never bothered renewing the subscription, so if you are looking for a Dstv walker and are ready to put up with the shabby resolution you can talk to me nicely.

Being an indoors person, I can comfortably stay indoors the whole weekend without feeling like I’m missing anything, Henry wonders how I survive, especially that I don’t have a tv. He has a tv but he still has to go watch our team Arsenal get beaten on a bigger screen, apparently anything less than 50 inches takes away the flavour from the game, his words not mine. I never get football, I am the guy who will cheer as long as the ball gets into the net regardless of the team of the striker and since all my friends in high school and college were Arsenal fans I got assimilated, that way all I had to do during debates about the game is nod and be a decibel addition when arguing with loud mouthed Manchester Fans, this will get me into trouble but what the heck, Bernard,Eric, Denis etc you know yourselves hehe. I digress, so where were we? Yes, since I have Gee I spend my time with her, reading, watching or listening to something. Music then becomes the one thing I will indulge in a lot as I go about other things, since it does require my active involvement as say reading and watching a documentary. So Gee has become my alternative to having a tube. Sometimes this year I took Gee for a software upgrade and other checks, for over a week when she was away, I would just get to the house prepare my supper and take my kindle and read something. I never felt a void like I was lacking anything, its other people who come over and like little John, they wonder how do I live without a tv, they tell me how I must be miserable and my life boring to death. I normally just smile it away because it doesn’t bother me. I actually see it as a blessing in disguise; If I had a tv and I receive guests most probably we would just watch it for the whole visit, now I am learning how to have conversations, because if you don’t talk to them the silence becomes super awkward, that forces both of us to talk (mostly me) before my guest decides, “fuck this shit, I’m going home”. My mother doesn’t understand why I can buy a stupid home theatre and not buy a tv, “that money you should have bought a tv and a radio, I don’t understand what that theatre thing is for, can you see news on it? No? Then that was a waste of money my dear”.

As time goes by I don’t see myself getting a tube, several friends have put conditions not to visit if I don’t get one, but I wouldn’t care less the ones who matter started visiting from the first weekend when all I had is a lot of space and newspapers (not cushions, seems John had a valid point concluding I was dead broke in need of his father’s help, no wonder his mom always smiles when we meet, the “broke guy”) to sit on haha. Maybe time will change me; I do miss Trace Tv, Top Gear, Shark Tank and Dragons Den though, these are simply awesome. I don’t see myself suffering any deprivation signs so I guess I am okay. The only bad thing is, news items tend to pass you and you have to rely on the print media and internet. It’s an awesome way to wean some species from telenovelas also ey? Okay let me keep quiet before I write myself into trouble.


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