Not another goodbye…

15 Jun

Source: Internet

It started with me getting distracted by how she is, I mean I have this fixation, but this is not the time and place. It threw me off my train of thoughts and from that moment I couldn’t think of anything else, only what I saw, a beautiful and bubbly soul coupled with an awesome behind, gap between the teeth as perks :-). I was taken captive and my animal instinct was to make a move, for longest time, the question remained when would I see her again? Only 2 minutes was all I would need to state my intentions and see how it goes… but as luck would have it, after a few months seeing her became regular, and the procrastinator devil in my mind started planting the ideal scenario, when the intentions should be put forth; not today maybe tomorrow, maybe when she is not with her friends, maybe tomorrow morning, maybe tomorrow evening, maybe maybe maybe many maybes! I would summon my balls over and over again only for the testosterone to dilute at the sight of her face and the maybes takeover! There is this analogy of just when you are about to make your ends meet, someone moves the damned ends, this was what seemed to be happening with my goal of making a headway onto her end!

Then one Sunday the testosterone refuses to dilute, it stays put and piles up that my toes start feeling tingly, what’s the worst that would happen I wonder to self, being told no? No doesn’t kill! But never making a move would gnaw my mind for the longest time. I call her name, yes I already knew it and I am not a stalker! After several awkward moments and statements contacts switch hands and from there I assume the hard part is done, it would only be downhill from there, how wrong I was. Being the late bloomer I am, there is a lot that I am still learning (and I still have a long way to go, catching up; plucking petals speculating and all that) so trial and error is how we did it and oh boy the awkwardness involved, God! The very thought or sight of her messed with my heartbeat, it did equal rates to when I am jogging or doing an adrenalin packed adventure, maybe she knew, though I tried my best putting a façade of calmness, she had me stringed like a marionette; a tug here and a pull there I would have danced the azonto like a pro… well to cut this monologue short it occurred the light I was envisioning at the end of the tunnel was growing bigger quickly because it was from an oncoming train, rather than me nearing the end of the tunnel! As time moved on it became hard keeping warm when it kept blowing cold!!! How did I feel about the goodbye? Heartbroken? No, Disappointed? Yes. But I am thankful for the maturity involved in the whole process, no DIY discoveries, just plain honesty…

Well, if you have ever had some sort of people disappointment, here are quotes for your thoughts…

You wonder why I don’t talk to you anymore and please believe me when I say it’s not that I don’t want to, it’s just that everything I want to say I can’t tell you anymore.

I don’t know which I would rather believe… that you never did care or that you eventually stopped.

I just wonder how many people never get the one they want, but end up with the one they’re supposed to have.

Maybe they are right. Maybe I did get my hopes up too high. Maybe I was in over my head. 

It’s not that we aren’t meant to be together, I think that we’re just not ready for forever.

Sometimes we must get hurt in order to grow; we must fail in order to know.

The higher you build the walls around your heart, the harder you fall when someone tears them down. 


8 responses to “Not another goodbye…

  1. Ghafla!Guy

    June 15, 2012 at 1:03 pm

    @mackel9.. Just curious, can you do the Azonto dance as good as me?

    • mackel9

      June 15, 2012 at 4:54 pm

      Are you kidding? I can beat you flat, especially the shoulder moves, you should see me do it… 😀

  2. Kawi

    June 15, 2012 at 5:01 pm

    No you can’t beat me on the Azonto … Mr. Ghafla.
    Nice post Mackel, woiye. Kumbe guys actually go through the process…who knew? lol

    • mackel9

      June 15, 2012 at 6:54 pm

      Of course we do Kawi, we just are not good letting it out and thanks :-).
      As for azonto we might have to do a street dance to prove who is the best…

  3. Project44

    June 15, 2012 at 7:37 pm

    I like the quote “I don’t know which I would rather believe… that you never did care or that you eventually stopped” I should use it at some point ha ha

    • mackel9

      June 15, 2012 at 8:48 pm

      As the image for the post puts it, you should be careful what you wish for, for if you do expect to use it, you will…

  4. Nyambura

    June 16, 2012 at 11:28 am

    Here’s a quote I always reach for when people I deeply care about let me down:

    “To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.” C.S. Lewis

    Have a fab weekend.


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